I’m running way behind on this one, ladies. I pondered greatly what I could say about doubt but just never could come up with sentences that made a lot of sense. Doubt is always lurking in the back of my mind…a lot of times it doesn’t even bother to stay in the back – it absolutely bullies its way to the front. When you have lost a child to suicide (as I have) doubt pretty much settles in and takes up residence in your head. You doubt that you were a good mom to that child and you doubt that you are even now a good mom to the ones you still have. You doubt that you will ever come back from such a tragedy and you doubt in your ability to be happy again. You doubt that your spouse will ever stop blaming himself for what happened and you doubt in your ability to help him know it wasn’t his fault. It’s been nearly four years since we lost our child, and all of these doubts remain.
But oh sisters…I never even for one moment doubted that God was my strength and the only way that I would make it through. I never turned my back on Him and I never doubted his love for us or his love for Shane. I know that God could have prevented what happened but I also know that He hurt as much as we did over the decision he made that night.
I leave you with this: in going through my Bible looking at references to doubt I found one that we should all take to heart in dealing with our friends, family, and everyone else.
“Be merciful to those who doubt.” — Jude 1:22 (NIV)